Validation, People Pleasing, and Feeling Your Emotions

The root of validation seeking behavior is insecurity. As children and then teenagers, we are insecure because we rely on adults for money, food, and protection (among other things). We also rely on adults to validate our emotions and make us feel seen, protected, and safe.

This pattern can continue into adulthood unless you analyze this dynamic and work on your independence. Here's how:

The opinions of our caretakers, or people who have the authority to make decisions regarding our success in society, matter.

People are biased and many of us learned that making people happy could keep us safe.

This forces us to become people pleasers to manipulate people into liking us, which equates to survival.

The same idea applies for the work place. If you rely on somebody to hire you, promote, and pay you…the same sort of insecurity and people pleasing behavior may arise.

The goal is to create a life where nobody has the kind of authority that can dramatically impact your life.

Your survival should not depend on anybody else’s opinion of you. For that to happen, you need to take full responsibility for your physical caretaking and emotional wellbeing. Work on your specialization. Spend time in solitude. Detach from fear based relationships. Focus on your habits.

Have enough knowledge and experience so that you become irreplaceable or have many other opportunities.

The insecure part of you will always be there. Except, it will not lead your life the way it may have in the past.

The goal is to be guided by a) physical and emotional self-sufficiency and b) be in control of your life.

L.S.